| Tim Herrera Smarter Living Editor |
| This week I've invited S.L. contributor Anna Goldfarb to give us a better way to stay positive. |
| I'm always happy to give a morale boost. When a dear friend texted me she was nervous about an important meeting, I replied: "You've got this!" along with a thumbs up emoji. |
| However, when another close friend told me she received some scary medical news, I mindlessly used the same approach. I said, "You've got this!" but it didn't seem to make her feel better. In fact, my words made her withdraw. |
| Psychotherapist Whitney Goodman calls having an unhelpful cheerful attitude "dismissive positivity." In an Instagram post, she explained how to better respond to someone who's in pain. |
- Instead of saying, "You'll get over it," to someone in distress, say something to impart validation and hope: "This is hard. You've done hard things before and I believe in you."
- "Think happy thoughts!" becomes, "It's probably pretty hard to be positive right now. I'm putting out good energy into the world for you."
- "Everything happens for a reason!" is updated to, "This doesn't make sense right now. We'll sort it all out later."
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| Once you identify dismissive positivity –– also known as toxic positivity –– it gets easier to course correct. Instead of acknowledging my friend's anguish, my chipper attitude minimized her anxiety. I can't change how I made her feel, but I will strive to be more compassionate when people share their despair with me in the future. |
