 | | Hayley Wall |
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“How can I feel hopeful without deluding myself?” |
That is a question many of us are asking ourselves these days. But there is room for hope! And even when pursuing hope feels unnatural, finding it can be liberating. Maintaining hope when facing challenges predicts both emotional and physical resilience, while hopelessness, or the combination of experiencing negative life events and believing you’re powerless, fuels depression. |
“Hope is a psychological stabilizer — it protects our well-being from stressful events,” said Mark Manson, an author who writes about hope and happiness. |
Here are some ways to seek and maintain hope in hard times. |
While you should allow yourself to experience a certain amount of distress and mourning, step away from the urge to give up entirely. When crises in the world feel out of your control, thinking about the various components of your life — and setting small, specific goals to improve them — can help reduce feelings of helplessness. |
“I remember the values, like kindness and compassion, that form the North Star I try to navigate my life by, and keep in touch with their importance through the turmoil and uncertainty and anxiety of life right now,” said Sharon Salzberg, a mindfulness teacher and the author of “Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World.” |
“Doing this gives my life a cohesive path that feels like it is onward leading,” she said. |
Swap microaggressions for ‘microprogressions.’ |
If it feels overwhelming to think about how to take steps forward, try noticing small opportunities in what Cory Newman, director of the Center for Cognitive Therapy at the University of Pennsylvania, calls “microprogressions.” |
“Contrary to microaggressions, which are small but hurtful and accumulative comments or actions that show insensitivity toward persons who are not in the ‘white privilege camp,’ microprogressions are small actions that communicate respect,” Dr. Newman said. |
While these deliberate behaviors don’t undo inequalities, they are steps in the direction of beginning emotional reparations. |
“Microprogressions are best delivered without any announcement, as if they are not special but just normal,” Dr. Newman said. “An example would be resisting an urge to comment in a meeting while a person of color who has not yet finished speaking continues to have the floor.” |
Work on your mental agility. |
Remember that a key facet of hope is creatively problem-solving when obstacles arise. Plan ways to move forward rather than shutting down when stressors come up. Similar to athletes who anticipate “hitting a wall,” rehearse pushing past fatigue. If you strategize before you’re drained, you can keep going. |
Of course, shifting from feeling as if there are no options to actively brainstorming and executing ideas takes practice. It can be tough to get past all-or-nothing thinking. In cognitive psychology, there’s a bias known as functional fixedness, where people become locked into seeing only one use for common objects, even when that’s not the case. One example I, as a clinical psychologist, use with clients is peanut butter: While it’s a spread for a sandwich, it can also be used to remove gum from your hair. In the same way, thinking resourcefully may not come easily, but if you let yourself think out of the box you may find surprising solutions. |
So take a moment to anticipate thoughts or urges that haunt you, like “I can’t,” or notice when you’re itching to give something up, then imagine how you might shift your inner soundtrack, perhaps by seeing these thoughts as visitors you don’t have to take too seriously. You can also list thoughts that hijack you, each on its own index card, then shuffle through them casually (for example, “Why bother?”) as you continue to sit with your emotions and move toward pursuing meaningful actions. |
Consider what is still true for you. |
In the midst of so much pain, it’s possible to consciously notice what hasn’t been broken by all the disruption and change. Ms. Salzberg practices and prescribes reflecting on this question: “What’s still true?” |
“If you can find something intact, whole, unbroken, it will give you hope,” she said. “It might be the life reflected in a child’s smile or a puppy’s antics. It might be nature; it might be fundamental beliefs in things like the power of love.” |
One thing that never changes is that it’s impossible to predict the future. Instead of expecting that everything will go terribly, shift into a more open state of mind. Curiosity helps interrupt despair, Dr. Newman said. |
Added Mr. Manson: “Few of the challenges we face today are historically unique. And most of the long-term trends show that the world is continuing to get better.” |
From our friends at Wirecutter |
Wirecutter is New York Times company that reviews and recommends products. |
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